And Other Misguided Thoughts  by Newt Harlan

......continued from Tuesday's posting 

• From the “What Words Mean Dept.”---You know, for years I thought I knew the meaning of the word service. From the time I learned it while doing Miss Hester’s vocabulary words in the 7^th grade until as an adult I started thinking about what things really meant, I always thought that service meant just what the dictionary said: 1: the occupation or function of serving. 2: the work performed by one that serves, a contribution to the welfare of others. 3: the act of serving, a helpful act. After I grew up and started having experience with the Postal Service, the Internal Revenue Service, obtaining Electric Co. and Phone Co. and several other government and bureaucratic “services”, I began to have doubts whether the dictionary was right about the definition. Finally, the other day I was sitting down at the waterin’ hole, sharing a couple of beers with Bid and Goob and a couple other cowboys when Bid asked Goob, “You reckon I can borry that ol’ Hereford bull of yours for a couple of days, I’ve got about a half dozens heifers about to come in heat that I want him to service.”  All of the sudden it dawned on me exactly why those government agencies are called “Service”.
• From the “Plucked From the Jaws of Death Dept.”---I’m sure you’ll be delighted to know that an animal sanctuary and several humane societies in the Vacaville, CA area plucked more than 700 aging chickens from the jaws of death. Some old boy bought a former egg farm in the area for a real estate development and discovered that it came complete with a chicken house and 700 chickens. He had no use for the chickens and called the animal sanctuary rather than sending them off to a slaughterhouse. The animal rescuers rode to the rescue and are now looking to find good homes for the retired chickens. A spokesman said, “After spending their lives in incubators and cages, these birds are so happy just clucking and scratching on the grounds”. Reckon these folks ain’t never heard of baked chicken or chicken and dumplins? 
• From the “A Rose By Any Other Name Dept.”---Now that being fat has been added as one more reason that you might die, more and more doctors are telling patients that they are fat and need to lose some pounds. Unfortunately, this got a doctor in New Hampshire in serious trouble. He told an old gal that she was obese and her weight was bad for her health and her love life. He suggested that she join a group to get rid of some of the pounds. She took offense and complained to the medical board that told the doc he needed remedial medical classes and to acknowledge his mistake and apologize to the woman. He refused and now faces sanctions that could include a substantial fine and the loss of his license to practice. I guess fat just ain’t fat anymore.
• Speaking of Fat---Did you realize there are very few places where a fat man can look cool? Maybe the bowling alley, or a beer joint, or riding a Harley, or driving a dump truck, or maybe in a belly-flop contest at the swimming pool. Do you reckon it’s against the law for fat people to go “skinny-dipping”?

My Pledge: